Ask any man what he hates the most and the answer you will often hear is nagging. It can be a relationship killer. The funny thing is no woman wants to be called a nagger. Yet is continues even though you both want it to end. So what are your options, what can you do? You first need to realize that you are doing it. Once you do that, the tips below can help you put the nagging to an end.
- Use a tactic called “carefrontation” This is a tactic that is the opposite to confrontation. It is a term created but Dr. Stratyner, who is a recurring guest on the Oprah Winfrey show. It all comes down to reminding your husband or boyfriend that he is still that person to him, not some dummy who can’t get anything right. When you approach him angry anticipating a fight, don’t be surprised when that is exactly what you get.
- Explain how you feel, not how he is the bad guy Make a joke about the situation that is upsetting you. “Honey I feel like I’m going to get attacked by a lion when I walk through the jungle that is our front yard.” Or, “Darling, I’m going to need a lifejacket to go to the bathroom because I fall in the toilet when you leave the seat up.” If you make someone feel like the bad guy, like they have done something wrong then they aren’t going to be in the mindset to help you figure out a way to make it better. They are going to look for excuses and ways to get out of that conversation and situation.
- Remember that you are on the same team He’s not leaving the seat up on purpose just to make you mad, he’s doing it because he’s an idiot, ok just kidding! He probably just honestly forgets, it’s not something he has probably ever had to do before in his life. Address the situation in a way that lets you know you are on his side and not angry, not matter what it is that happened. Try offering up a compromise, that will get you much further than anger.
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- Give him a timeline, and a proposed solution What is it that is driving you crazy, maybe it’s the lawn that hasn’t been mowed in weeks. All you have to do is kindly propose a solution. Try something like, “Honey we are having people over this weekend, do you think you will have time to do the lawn before then. If not that’s fine I’ll just call the landscaper.” You will get one of two responses, “Yes that’s fine, I’m swamped, give him a call.” Or, “No he’s too expensive I’ll do it tonight after work.” See what just happened? You got a solution and didn’t have a fight about it. Now you can spend the rest of your day stress free knowing that you will have a beautiful lawn to welcome your guests.
- Tell him you think it’s sexy Make him feel like a good boy when he does whatever chore you want him to do. Pavlov knew what he was doing with that dog. If your husband knows he’s going to be getting some for something as simple as leaving the toilet seat down then you can get rid of that life jacket.
- Try understanding, rather than assuming Don’t just jump to conclusions and automatically think the worse. There could be a perfectly rational explanation for his behavior. But if you immediately jump on him and get mad, well you will never hear his side of the story. Try and be appreciative of that fact that he may be too busy to get something done. Don’t just assume he’s lazy. I promise you will have fewer headaches in life.
- Let him understand as well As women we can be guilty of thinking our husbands and boyfriends are some sort of mind readers. It would be nice and make life a whole lot easier but it’s just not the case. He may not know that after a long days work that you are too tried and stressed to make dinner. You need to tell him. It’s important for you to understand each other and the only way you can do that is if you tell him, never assume.
The Bottom Line
The bottom line when it comes down to kicking the nagging habit is that communication is key. If you fail to communicate then you will quickly find yourself down a path that you don’t want to be. Try not to forget that you guys are a team and you need to work together. No one is above the other. Go back to the kind words you used to use when you first started dating. Get back to that great communication that you once had, that will be the key to end the nagging for good.
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